Monday, March 27, 2006
Bulldogs in My Apartment
When I signed the lease for my apartment back in 2003, the management company was clear about one issue: No dogs. I could have a cat. I could paint the walls. I could even sublet the place out to a relative. I just couldn't have a dog.
This rule is so abided by in my building that during the three years that I've lived there I have rarely seen a dog. The dogs that I have seen have been from guests, and they have apologized for having them.
You can imagine by surprise, then, when both La Madre and my brother Rob called me on Saturday evening when I was out at Le Doug's to tell me that since my apartment was empty, they brought Rob's dogs over. Rob is selling his house in Jersey and was having an open house on Sunday. The dogs needed to be out of sight, and my place seemed like a good spot.
I yelled for a bit, noting the anti-dog clause in my lease, but settled down once Rob and La Madre promised to keep the dogs out of sight from the super. I realized there was nothing I could do, being that I was in another state and trying to deal with a rebound case of the stomach flu. Plus, it was Le Doug's birthday, and there was fettucine alfredo and Carvel cake to enjoy. Not too mention that bottle of Veuve Cliquot.
I got a ride back into NYC the following morning, courtesy of the town car that was taking Le Doug to the airport. We got into NYC from Greenwich in literally 30 minutes. There was no traffic on Sunday morning and the driver must have been pushing close to 80 MPH.
When I got into my apartment, there was my mom and the two dogs. My mom was on the couch and the two dogs were sleeping on one of my extra comforters in the middle of the room. The whole place smelled like a barnyard. Don't forget that I was getting over a week's worth of the stomach flu and the last thing I wanted to deal with was a couple of dogs and family members in my apartment.
So I did the rational thing: I channelled all my frustration into cleaning. I did all my laundry, cleaned all my beddings and scrubbed the bathroom until it shined. Meanwhile, the dogs snored away in the middle of the apartment and I had to open the door and window just to get out the dog smell.
My apartment was not designed for dogs. It was hardly designed for two people. Two dogs plus two people is counter to what the the laws of physics allow in such a small space. By 4:00 PM I was going crazy. Eventually Rob came and took his dogs back, and I got yelled at by La Madre for "insulting the dogs" when Rob came by.
Who does this, I ask you? Who gets upset about "insulting dogs" after said dogs have been brought into an apartment against the wishes of the owner? And who does this when the apartment owner is sick? The best part was when La Madre and Rob complained about my lack of food in the apartment and when La Madre sent me out for coffee and doughnuts.
Around 5:00 PM everyone left and I had a bit of peace before going out to KGB Bar for a reading. A friend from Syracuse was reading. It was a nice break from the rest of the day, although it would have been a lot nicer had I spent the day like I wanted, alone, reading a book, getting some writing done and eating a bagel with lox.